The iPad Is Ace

February 9, 2010

I didn’t immediately fall in love with the iPad. It underwhelmed me at first sight, but after allowing its potential to simmer in my skull, the criticism I held against it shattered. In its place is now only an anxious desire to own the device as soon as possible!

One of the major complaints against the iPad is that it doesn’t run OS X, the Mac operating system. I was among the disappointed. However, a tablet that runs an OS designed for a keyboard and mouse sounds much more awesome than it’d actually be. Can you imagine having to use your stubby fingers to fiddle with windows, menus, and tiny widgets designed for the precision of a mouse pointer? What a hassle! Even if Apple included a stylus, which everybody knows they would never do, it would still be more trouble than it was worth. Consider all the keyboard shortcuts taken for granted, such as command-tab, command-Q, etc. Try to navigate your computer for a week without them; not very convenient, eh? OS X software was designed with the assumption that people would use it with a keyboard and mouse and would never work as well on a tablet as software specifically designed for fingers, which is why nobody cares about the tablet PCs in which Microsoft shoehorns Windows.

The same is true with Flash. I was also surprised iPad’s Safari wouldn’t support Flash, but it’s not as big of a problem as others suggest. Flash is used mostly for advertisements, videos, and games. Nobody will miss the advertisements, websites are now often designed to display their videos in formats compatible with MobileSafari, and Flash games would not be as fun on the iPad for the same reasons an OS X app would not work well on it: the assumption of a keyboard and a mouse. Besides, the best Flash games have already been ported to the App Store.

If people demand a tablet that runs OS X and Flash, they will be happy to know such hardware already exists: Axiotron’s ModBook. Yes, they are expensive, but what do you expect to pay for an ultra-portable tablet Mac? The cheapest MacBook is $999; a tablet with as much power as that system, a 64GB SSD (16GB would simply not be enough), 3G, GPS, a multi-touch screen, and an ultra-thin body would cost much more than a grand. To reduce the price below $1,000 would require sacrifices that would cripple the device. An inexpensive ultra-portable tablet-based Mac is simply impossible.

Another common complaint is that the iPad won’t support multitasking. There are definitely times when I wish my iPhone could run multiple apps simultaneously–I’d like to use TextExpander in every app–but it is not as much of a problem as critics suggest. Apps that are designed well will return to the exact state in which you left them as though they remained open the entire time, and push notifications take care of the need to keep apps such as BeejiveIM open at all times. If the iPad were a computer in the traditional sense, the lack of multitasking would be unforgivable, but considering that apps will consume the entire screen–would we really want to be forced to deal with moving, resizing, and minimizing windows–and will open quickly and usually in their previous states, multitasking isn’t as vital. Of course, it would be nice to be able to listen to music on Pandora while using another app, but it is hardly a deal-breaker.

One complaint that doesn’t make sense is the idea that the device will be terrible for book-reading because of its backlit screen. People already stare at computer monitors for hours. If they can handle that, why would it torture them to stare at a similar screen?

The one valid criticism against the iPad is its absence to easily transfer and print files. I know there are apps for such needs, but they don’t always work and people should not be required to risk their money for such basic functions anyway. Hopefully, Apple will resolve this issue by late March. I also hope Apple improves its notification system for push notifications and text messages; its too disruptive as it is.

Besides those grievances, there are many others, but they come from people much more rabid and much less reasonable: “Apple is draconian! Google’s open source Android OS and its permissive app store that allows scammers to steal bank information from customers foolish enough to trust a Google phone with their information will crush the iPad as they have already done to the iPhone! Who wants a phone without a replaceable battery and crappy keyboard anyway?” To the typical Linux nerd, computers are not made to facilitate productivity; they are made to be tinkered with, slaved over for hours to enable basic functions, and to pirate all sorts of disgusting Japanese pornography. Is that what most people want from technology, as the nerds often bleat? Well, let’s consider the Droid: in its first week, Motorola sold 250,000 units. In the iPhone’s first week, when it still cost $499 with a two-year contract for service with a mediocre phone company and had no app store, Apple sold at least twice as many units! I don’t think Steve Jobs will lose much sleep by snubbing nerds that would rather work on computers than work with them.

I’m excited for the iPad. It might be a giant iPod touch, but one could say a truck is nothing more than a car with a giant trunk, yet would anybody argue that the extra space a truck offers in its bed grants it no more utility over a typical sedan? It will provide a better experience for surfing the web, reading books, viewing videos, and composing documents than an iPod touch with portability that not even the expensive and underpowered MacBook Air can match, and that’s not even considering all the ways clever developers will utilize its potential. Just as the Mac revolutionized the personal computer, the iPod revolutionized the digital media player, and the iPhone revolutionized the smartphone, the iPad will revolutionize.


Lifting You Up

January 31, 2010

To lift you up: my body’s agony,
my heart’s delight. Though arms will buckle, sight
will never sore to witness you defy
the laws of gravity when you take flight.

Your joy when willowy legs levitate
above gravity’s chains give flight to doves
the hunters pinioned. Though teeth gnash from weight
so great, the world I’ll carry you above.

No treasure–even Columbine–I’ll hold
as devotedly as I carry you–
more polish than pearl, more glimmer than gold–
whose laugh empties the grave and tames the shrew.

Though muscles tear, I’ll suffer every trial
to relish the manna that is your smile.


Last Week’s Vegan Concoctions

January 31, 2010

I have been cooking a lot. I can’t help it; I’ve had these cookbooks for years but have never touched them; I have much catching up to do! Here are a few of the items I attempted in the past week. Unfortunately, I couldn’t make the cherry-almond muffins since cherries are out of season. I find it odd that such a thing is possible in this age.

Breaded Tofu

IMG_0360.JPG

These tasted good–it reminded me of chicken–but fried foods give me a headache. If I make them again, I’ll bake them instead.

Scrambled Tofu

Scrambled Tofu

This recipe tasted much better than the one I attempted so many years ago, which had too many spices. It tastes kind of like scrambled eggs. I included a cup of salsa in the recipe, which made it even more delicious. I’ll definitely make this again.

Apple Pie-Crumb Cake Muffins (from Vegan with a Vengeance)

Apple Pie-Crumb Cake Muffins

These are the best muffins I ever tasted! They took quite a bit of effort–I had to peel, grate, and cut the apples, make the crumb topping, and then make the actual muffin mix–but it was definitely worth it. I’m happy I made these in the mini muffin pan I recently bought as it allowed me to share my confection with more of my friends; they all loved them as much as I did. There’s nothing not to love about them: the crumb topping had the right blend of brown sugar and cinnamon and the actual muffins are fluffy and do taste like apple pie. l This is definitely a recipe I will make quite often.

Enchilada Casserole (from FatFree Vegan Kitchen)

Breaded Tofu

These were much better than the previous enchiladas I attempted, but they definitely were not worth the effort they took, so I won’t be making them again. It was also spicier than I prefer.

I also made raw almond milk–it’s too unsweetened to drink but will work in recipes–and attempted donuts, but I had no donut pan, so they ended up lumps. Hopefully, the pan I bought on Amazon will arrive soon.


Reprisal of Spring

January 31, 2010

To wean off her is unlikely these days.
She tastes like Eden’s roses that pricked me
last Summer. Autumn ends. Winter remains.

Her emeralds eclipsed the Sun and stained
my sight with light that tints everything I see;
to wean off her is unlikely these days.

I sheltered in her home as seasons changed
but fled from her when I spotted the fleas
last Summer. Autumn ends. Winter remains.

I crawled through wilderness and ate of grain
but never found melons that taste as sweet;
to wean off her is unlikely these days.

I circle homes in which I’ve seen her play
and vainly cry for mercy–to reprieve
last Summer. Autumn ends. Winter remains.

Therefore, I had no choice but set aflame
her homes, her gardens, and even her fleas.
To wean off me is unlikely these days.
This Summer, Autumn ends. Winter remains.


Slippery freeways steer me toward diesel

January 27, 2010

Slippery freeways
steer me toward diesels as I
write Hayden’s ballad.


I can cook!

January 25, 2010

I’ve had two vegan cookbooks for years–Vegan with a Vengeance by Isa Chandra Moskowitz and The Vegan Gourmet by Susann Geiskopf-Hadler and Mindy Toomay–but besides one botched attempt at scrambled tofu, I haven’t actually used them until two weeks ago. I’m surprised at how easy it is for me, somebody with no cooking experience beyond ramen, to cook dishes and treats that are actually good! I thought I’d share what I’ve attempted so far.

Fettucini Alfreda (from Vegan with a Vengeance)
Fettucini Alfreda

My first attempt at an actual dish since scrambled tofu many years ago. It wasn’t that good–too much onion in the recipe. The sauce was also a bit dry, but that was my fault.

Green Tea Muffins (from The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls by Emilie Autumn)
Green Tea Muffins

Out of everything I made, these are my favorite. I love them! Besides green tea, it has almond extract, which gives them the most pleasant aroma in the world. I’ll make a third batch later this week and try something somebody recommended to bring out the green tea taste.

Scones (from Vegan with a Vengeance)
Scone

I still have no idea what a scone is. Despite the deformed look–I didn’t know what I was supposed to shape them as so I simply plopped them onto the cookie sheet–they tasted good out of the oven; they were too dry a few days later. I might make them again when I’m better at baking.

Mocha Chip Muffins (from Vegan with a Vengeance)
Mocha Chip Muffins

I’m not the biggest fan of chocolate–sometimes it gives me a headache–but these were delicious. They tasted like chocolate chip cookies and those Hostess cupcakes but without the creamy center.

Sloppy Joes (from the Christian Vegetarian Association newsletter)
Sloppy Joes

These were delicious! These taste just like the real thing! and it was very easy to make: mash some tofu, blend the sauce, and mix everything in a skillet. Definitely will make these again soon!

Enchiladas (from the Christian Vegetarian Association newsletter)
Paul McCartney’s Vegan Enchiladas

These didn’t have much of a taste. Maybe I put too much spinach and not enough sauce, but I don’t think they can get much better. I doubt I’ll make these again. I’ll try something more traditional next time.

Easy Weekend Pancakes (from VeganYumYum)
Easy Weekend Pancakes

I botched the first one, but the rest were delicious! The texture was different from regular pancakes, but they tasted just as good. I made sure to use lots of almond extract in these too. I love almond!

This week, I’m going to try a recipe for breaded vegan chicken and a recipe for cherry-almond muffins. Can’t wait!


Underneath It All

January 10, 2010

I just returned from church. I haven’t been there since August! I did not plan to return without a valid reason; in fact, one of my new year’s resolutions is not to enter a church except in the case of a miracle, social obligation, or a need for the Sky. I did have a valid reason, and it was one that does not violate that resolution.

It was awkward to be there after so many months and so many anti-Christian rants, but it also felt right. Though I often complain about churches and Christians, the truth is that most of them are wonderful people. I disagree with them vehemently in many areas, and they can be insensitive, callous, and obnoxious, but that’s true of everybody: we are all inherently self-centered and self-absorbed, and it requires constant vigilance, which most of us lack, to completely tame our selfish genes. If I counted all the people I absolutely hated–dislike is too soft of a word–I could easily fit them all on both hands; I might even be able to fit them on one hand! But poison is more potent than pie and I hate them so much! I hate them for the pain they inflicted, but what I hate most is how remorseless they are about it. I’m a very forgiving person, but it’s very difficult to forgive such pernicious pricks. Yet, what else can I do? No olive branch, no tantrum, nothing I do will lead them toward repentance. Dante Alighieri had the best idea: send your enemies to Hell and torture them; literarily, of course. I must admit that they inhabit many of my best poems; who else can I remorselessly flog so enthusiastically? Therefore, forgiveness would be anti-productive, since, as Emilie Autumn wrote, “The trouble with forgiving people is that it makes writing terrible things about them so much more difficult.” They deserve to drown in the Sea.


Sanity

January 6, 2010

I finished Emilie Autumn’s The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls, her story of her days in a mental institution and the alternate reality she developed to cope with life in that asylum, this afternoon. It was a thoroughly enjoyable book; I did prefer the journal entries of her actual experiences in the hospital over the letters from her alternate persona in the Victorian insane asylum appropriately named the Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls, but even those were worth the read. My preference is probably due to my own days in a mental hospital; I could easily sympathize with her frustration with an institution that advertises itself as a refuge to help those in need but is in actually a maximum-security prison maintained by hardened hearts who have no interest in rehabilitating patients but only in concealing them from society’s sensitive eyes.

I don’t remember much of my experience–it was over a decade ago and it was only three days–but I remember the important details: one fateful night when I was very depressed and suicidal–or perhaps it was only a cry for help–I asked my parents to admit me to the hospital–I thought it would help; the second day, I realized what a terrible mistake I made; I spent the third day of my “asylum” more suicidal than I had ever been. Even though my condition was far worse than it had ever been outside the hospital–and in only three days too–the staff of the hospital wanted to prolong my stay. Why? Because I wore nail polish; according to the noble and caring hospital faculty, that deems me too loony to participate in society. I also showed frustration over a valid concern one day; apparently, only crazy people are ever angry or frustrated over real issues; I’d like to see somebody smash the windows of the house of that bitch who threatened me with a prolonged sentence; if she shows any anger whatsoever, lock her in a hospital for a few years until she realizes that anger is only appropriate when directed at strangers at restaurants over unintentionally incorrect orders, like a sane person. Thankfully, I have very loving parents who took my pleas for escape seriously; have I ever thanked you both enough for delivering me from Hell? The entire experience was a waste of my time. Sure, there are those who probably belong in such prisons just as there are children who belong in juvenile halls, but for the unfortunate victims who only need help, it will only destroy them. Fortunately, I only suffered three days of that prison, so I left unscathed.

I’m not entirely comfortable admitting that I’ve been in a legitimate insane asylum, but why should I be afraid? I know I’m sane. I’m not even manic-depressive as my doctor led me to believe; doctors are not as intelligent as they appear. Too often I question my sanity; I have so many “off-the-wall” ideas: I believe animals should be treated with some dignity; I believe that prostitution should be decriminalized for the sake of the prostitutes forced into that life. In fact, I presented a speech about the decriminalization of prostitution in a public speaking college course many years ago; it naturally resulted in a heated debate. The memory of it still causes me to wince, but the truth is I was right: the abuse prostitutes suffer would lessen if they could report such abuse to the police without being arrested for being in a “profession” they might be in involuntarily. I was right; they were wrong. Why should I wince then?

Too often I allow others to make me believe I was crazy, sinful, and unworthy, but now I know they are all wrong. At worst, I am eccentric; I admit it is queer for a man to prefer the company of women, but considering that men seem to spend all their time discussing sex in the most vulgar terms or, if they are churched, jesting about cruelty to animals, why the fuck would I want to suffer their presence longer than necessary? That’d be insane! I also don’t care much for their homoerotic behaviors; I know it makes me gay to admit it, but I don’t enjoy showering with a group of men and slapping each other’s asses.

I’m different, but I’m not crazy. I was crazy when I tried to mold myself in images I knew to be false and wicked simply because they appeared more agreeable, but now I realize society does not need more plastic brown-nosing ass-kissers who turn their face from the ugliness of the world and console themselves with the heresy that, as long as they pray, they are fulfilling the role of the Good Samaritan. No, I was wrong to try so hard to be agreeable last year. The greatest saints are rarely agreeable or rarely appreciated in their time; St. Francis of Assisi and William Wilberforce were the enemies of the world; John the Baptist was beheaded because he vocalized the obviousness that others were too cowardly to say aloud. If I present myself as a dove, then they will shoot me, eat me, and shit me out. I will be as innocent as dove, but I will be as loud as a rattlesnake.

Lady GaGa and Emilie Autumn have the right idea: don’t cower to the left or to the right, but walk in the middle of the street as you are. People will criticize you, insult you, disregard you, attack you, flog you, but as I learned from the Internet and its pedants, critics, misogynists: they are fucking attention-whoring idiots trying to appear profound, intelligent, valuable. It’s easier to pretend to be something than it is to actually try to be that.


nine inch nails is still ace

January 5, 2010

I admit I haven’t kept up with nine inch nails for the past few years, but they are still definitely one of my favorites. If you’re a fan of theirs–and why wouldn’t you be–then you should check out the website and download all the wonderful treasures there, specifically the DVD of an entire live performance of The Downward Spiral created by fans–very well made–and, Another Version of the Truth: The Gift, another DVD I am in the process of downloading right now. It’s so awesome how open and supportive they are to their fans.


The Pray’ng Bus

January 3, 2010

As all True Christians know, the Kingdom of Heaven will not be built with good works–not only are works completely unnecessary, but they are actually a sin. No, it will be built with popular-books-turned-into-multi-million-dollar-action-movies, wuss rock, hip post-modern celebrity pastors, and talking vegetables just as it has always been. However, as I skim through contemporary Christian culture, I notice a glaring omission among the many fads utilized: there are no Christian-based reality shows! This makes me weep almost as much as I do whenever the name of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, is mentioned. Therefore, I pitch this idea in the hope that some hip and youthful pastor will fashion it into reality; I’d do it myself, but I’m not tall enough, charismatic enough, or white enough to preach with authority.

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