I just returned from church. I haven’t been there since August! I did not plan to return without a valid reason; in fact, one of my new year’s resolutions is not to enter a church except in the case of a miracle, social obligation, or a need for the Sky. I did have a valid reason, and it was one that does not violate that resolution.
It was awkward to be there after so many months and so many anti-Christian rants, but it also felt right. Though I often complain about churches and Christians, the truth is that most of them are wonderful people. I disagree with them vehemently in many areas, and they can be insensitive, callous, and obnoxious, but that’s true of everybody: we are all inherently self-centered and self-absorbed, and it requires constant vigilance, which most of us lack, to completely tame our selfish genes. If I counted all the people I absolutely hated–dislike is too soft of a word–I could easily fit them all on both hands; I might even be able to fit them on one hand! But poison is more potent than pie and I hate them so much! I hate them for the pain they inflicted, but what I hate most is how remorseless they are about it. I’m a very forgiving person, but it’s very difficult to forgive such pernicious pricks. Yet, what else can I do? No olive branch, no tantrum, nothing I do will lead them toward repentance. Dante Alighieri had the best idea: send your enemies to Hell and torture them; literarily, of course. I must admit that they inhabit many of my best poems; who else can I remorselessly flog so enthusiastically? Therefore, forgiveness would be anti-productive, since, as Emilie Autumn wrote, “The trouble with forgiving people is that it makes writing terrible things about them so much more difficult.” They deserve to drown in the Sea.
Tags: Christianity, D, Journal
