My entry for day 9 of the 2011 April PAD Challenge.
My body rises from the bed;
my mind is only half-awake.
It’s dragged along the morning walk
full of pep talks–affirmations–
but offers nothing, still in dreams–
ancient nostalgic fantasies.
Sunshine can’t compel it to rise,
it won’t unfreeze hit by the breeze
that widens eyes and clenches teeth,
leaves me a mummy, shivering.
No empty threat to withhold sex
can force it to an active state.
I arrive home in self-reproach,
microwave leftover meat,
grab a Pepsi, turn on the Mac
and wander through the Internet
the entire day until midnight
when my mind finally awakes.
I cram out poems before eyes shut
in dread of work five hours away,
then fall to bed too tired to change,
lulling myself to sleep with chants,
“I’ll begin it right tomorrow.
This time, I’m serious.” Again.