Merciel

Teeth paw at the cherry lollipop,
whimper for the crunch, but tongue
covers the ruby and pleads, “A few more licks
before you enter.” Seconds tick with each lick.
Teeth tense as the spongy probe bathes
in the candy’s stickiness and melts into it.
Then the ivories break the dam and flood
through the cracks into the sweetness,
and collapse for a night inside the taste
of the juices as sticky ruby tears fall to the floor.

Nicole led me into a church that stood taller than the rest of the city –
into an ambush by an army of Baptists. They charged
with whitewashed smiles and gentlemanly hands –
threw me into a gauntlet where I met the entire congregation
but learned none of their names. Nicole saw the grind of my teeth
and pulled me free – held me to her side. I hid behind her back,
my head beneath her bosom. “I’m here for you,” she said.
Five silk stems rested in my hair and brushed the anxiety out of my head.
The wine from her tongue chilled my nerves – numbed their throb.
Inquisitive eyes that probed each movement shut and held
onto her three words: “I love you.” I followed her through oak pews
across the velvet carpet into the baptismal pool and dived inside.

I resurfaced with a starlit smile seen by nobody. They had all gone home
to watch the Super Bowl. The angel who lured me here
had flown away on plastic wings. Her mission accomplished
to lure me in, she went into town to hunt again. And I floated here
alone, waited for a voice to pull me out of this pit,
into the warmth I felt glowing from Nicole’s breasts
but only the vibrations of the ice water touched my ears.
Too numb to swim forward or backward, left or right,
my head became a buoy in a cold cold ocean with no shore
in sight for miles. No need to reach for land. It was as cold
out there anyway. Instead, I dove deeper into the liquid ice
and waited for my eyes to explode like two old stars.

If pirates invaded the ship during our cruise
and clawed at the brooch your mother gave you,
I‘d pounce them like a meteorite and unwrap them
like Christmas presents with my nails and teeth.
Even if they pelted my chest with steel rain,
I’d smile as I pinned the brooch back on you.

And if an iceberg tore the ship like paper in two,
I’d give you and the captain the last lifeboat.
I’d bequeath you my gold and accept your cross
and kiss you away as you ascended into the horizon
and I descended into my new home, praying
that not even rain would disturb your ride home.

Please pray that pirates or icebergs ransack us,
because if the Titanic glides across the sea
like an Olympic skater winning the gold,
then I’ll just jump off this fucking ship.

She woke up at seven, as she always does,
and rode through the morning ritual:
primp and perm and brush and spray.
Just some coffee and she’s set for the world!

And when she flicked on the kitchen lights,
the neon beams cast their spotlight on you,
her son dangling from the ceiling like a fish,
the fresh catch of the bullies who baited you.

You showed them.

We lay on grass beside the pond, surrounded
by trees that block the smog. Rainbows of roses,
daisies, and daffodils swallow us as stars sprinkle
the obsidian canvas and cast the spotlight on us.
She’s sprawled like a lioness beside me
as she twirls my hair into finger-sized halos.
I rest my head on her thigh like a puppy
as my hands float on the waves of my chest.

My dirt eyes clasp the emerald glow of hers
and my off-key lyrics consummate symphonies
with the violin that is her voice and nature
applauds with its crickets and croaks. She beckons
me with her rose scent, and so I pounce. The milk
of her dress melts into the coal of my tuxedo.
The breeze blows on the fire our bodies beget
and the rain becomes vapor before it touches us.

And that’s when a howl casts me down to the Earth
back to my room, blind of light and sponged in sweat.
The train’s groan reaches me from across the city
and I wonder if I should fight the atrophy and rise
to another eight hours of cleaning toilets at McDonald’s
to end in a night of drinks and dialogue with vampires
or if I should open the drawer and swallow the bullet
that’ll return me to my bride, this time forever.

The clock shrieks at me at six ‘o clock
but I lay there in sheets for another hour
before I zombie blindly into the bathroom.
I hike up the porcelain and slide into the tub
and pry the faucet with a grunt to the right
until the icy needles of water shoot at me
and shock me to my feet. Thirty minutes later,
smelling like Ireland, I tan under the fluorescence
as I brush teeth and comb hair and swab ears
and flick crumbs still stuck to my eyes.

I see the clock as I strut into my room. Seven
forty. Nature immediately surges through me
panic stronger than a Starbucks espresso.
I dive into the closet and leap out in something
I just flung together, and then I sweep the papers
disarrayed across my desk into the green backpack
hoping the stove is off and the doors are locked
as I rush outside and leap into my Cavalier and jerk it
to life, praying that no child or cat is in front of it
as I pound on the pedal and swerve out onto the street

and dart toward the college. Fifteen minutes later,
I’m walking like my bladder’s a hydrogen bomb
across the football field separating me from the forum.
One eye steers ahead as I slither through crowds
of the slowest and stupidest people I’ve ever seen
while the other watches the countdown to 8 on my Lolex.
Fifty-eight… then fifty-nine… then through the door
like a marathon runner at the finish. I made it! But
damn it! The seat beside the blonde I want to woo
is occupied by the jerk-off who’s always there early.

I placed my tithe into her sandy hands.
She stuffed the holy hundred into her briefs
and led my by my crotch into her bedroom
where I sat on a bed stained in the musk of men
for forty-five minutes

Forty-five minutes wormed by before she returned
with a bottle of baby lotion and a towel (both from the dollar store).
She turned me on my stomach and peeled off my clothes
as my burning face burrowed into the unwashed sheets below.

Her hands licked me like a tiger’s tongue
as she probed random spots on my back.
She flipped me around and flicked a few crumbs off my body
before clamping my shaft like a vice with her rough hands.

She jerked up and down a few strokes
before the white liquid erupted onto her broken lips.
She vomited what little she swallowed of me
just like everybody else.

I leave behind
a heavy-eyed mother near the bed,
a coffee-addicted father writing checks to my debtors,
a brother whose name I’ve forgotten,
a dog begging me for attention,
a kitten begging me for food,
a snake eating at my ear,
friends who have not seen me without makeup,
and a whore with a hand in my back pocket
so I could be with my friend from high school again.

My ten little jackhammers shatter the concrete foundation
beneath me my tears moistened since May.
I dive into the grave and pull from it like a rabbit
the woman my friends and family buried in peer pressure.
I drag her through the front door into the bathroom
and strip her of the scanty red leather I last dressed her in.
I bathe in her beauty, immortalized in plastic and cellophane,
as the shower water frees her of the dirt I threw her in.
Pure again, I dress her in trendy new fragrances and makeup
I stole from other girls and slip her into a silk habit.
I bisect my bloody heart and feed her the larger half,
and I breathe every breath I’ve held onto into her,
and then I collapse to the floor.

She opens her eyes and lifts me up
onto my knees with her virgin perfect smile.
She shuts my eyes and scratches my head. I purr as I kiss
her feet.

Everybody swims in the shallow end by the shore
near the streets that flow away toward their own apartments.
They splash and play and laugh all day. Their ripples fade
right after they’re made and by evening’s arrival
they’ve gone away and the beach is more silent
than the fossilized corpse of a single nameless serf trapped in a tar pit.

Meanwhile, I subtly wade for my life in the deep end
of the ocean, hidden behind the curtain of the horizon.
The icy sea water tranquilizes my nerves and numbs my muscles
and whispers into my mind, “Go to sleep, my child.”